Instilling some confidence

Posted on 16 Jul 2021 @ 10:59pm by Captain Jonathan Reynolds & Lieutenant JG Rosaline Belikov

Mission: Mission 5 - Season of the Witch?
Location: CIO’s Office
Timeline: MD 1 09:00
1580 words - 3.2 OF Standard Post Measure

On:

Sitting on the floor of her office, Rose was keeping herself busy playing with her daughter Ziva while her computer processed the search parameters she’d entered to gather all information on the T’Kon empire and any confirmed encounters with their technology before now. She was hoping she could shed some light on this puzzle or at least provide any form of help besides panicking on the bridge of a starship because she couldn’t figure out how to solve a bloody virus.

Taking in a deep breath as she rolled onto her side, Rose did her best to try and forget what had happened during the last mission and focus on spending what time she had with Ziva.

"So this is where you are hiding during your off duty time," Jon's voice rang out.

Rose smiled as she looked up at Jon, “off duty, on duty, this is where I spent most of my time when I’m not asleep” she said, looking back to Ziva, “it’s where I can spend some quality time with my daughter while letting my console run several searches for whatever I need at the time”

"Hello," he said taking a seat and addressing the baby. "So you must be one of the youngest I have onboard. What's going on with your mummy ehh I'm going to be honest Rose," he said switching to more personal. "You seem a bit down and lost."

“Well, how would you react when you’re first command ends up in a string of failures? I couldn’t get the traders to help, I couldn’t do anything to help you or the away teams on the surface, I could barely help keep the ship running” she said, doing her best to keep her voice level so as not to stress Ziva out, “I guess it brought up some feelings I thought I’d dealt with months ago”

"My first time in the big chair, my captain also insisting on going on an away team," Jon smiled. "I lost him for 3 days and managed to scuff up quite a bit of damage to his ship. I won my first ship to ship combat but the damage was high.

“So stop beating yourself up. You just have to do your best and work with what you have. Sometimes it all works out perfectly, sometimes it doesn't. What happened with the traders by the sounds of it they didn't give you much of a chance to talk to them. Also you didn't even have a diplomatic person to lean on in the first communication. And as for helping the away team I ordered a full lockdown on the planet to contain the illness. What could you have done really?"

“Send a HAZMAT team down to place you all in stasis until we could figure out what this virus was” Rose replied, wishing she’d thought of that answer in the moment.

"I had already quarantined everything. You didn't need to do that," Jon said simply. "I think you are beating yourself up here Rose. Honestly. You just need more experience in the big chair. I think some more night shifts being the officer in charge, get you that command experience."

Rose thought for a moment, “if you think that’s a good idea, then I’ll give it a shot.”

"Then I will get you rota'd in," Jon said simply. "What will you do with Ziva? Holonanny? or do you have a friend can help out?"

Giving a sigh, Rose simply shrugged, “I guess a holonanny would be the better option. I’m not close enough with anyone onboard to trust Ziva with them.”

"Maybe that's something to work on? Are you shy Rose?" he asked.

Rose looked up at Jon with a look that could only be described as ‘really?’, “well, my husband died infront of my eyes less then a year ago leaving me to raise our child in our own coupled with the fact that Ziva was born on the same day that Demitri died so I’ve yet to deal with the experience of knowing every time Ziva has a birthday, it reminds me of Demitri’s death so yea, I’m a bit of a mess that I don’t really want to burden someone with it.”

"You need to burden someone with that. We have counsellors Rose so that staff do not need to internalise things like that alone. I can make it an order to go see one but I would rather you saw that and made the trip on your own," Jon said simply. "It may well be the fact you have not tried to address what happened to you that is impacting on you when you are in a command situation."

“And what do you want me to say? That I dread having to lead or even be on an away team? That every time I’m away from the ship I’m worried that something might happen and I’ll never get to see Ziva again?” Rose asked rhetorically, her voice getting louder as she spoke, “do you want me to tell them that I’d rather be locked up in my office studying endless streams of data then step foot on that bridge again because I’m afraid that I might do something to get someone killed? Or how every day I’ve given serious thought to tearing off my uniform, handing you my resignation and running off to some colony world in the middle of federation territory where I never have to worry about anyone but myself and my daughter again, but every time I’m about to do it I suddenly think of the multitude of things that could go wrong that I could prevent with some simple intelligence that would give us forewarning of what is ahead of us. Now, after all that, Why would any counsellor in their right mind ever let someone like me anywhere near a bridge or an away team? That’s why I haven’t told anyone Captain, because I’m afraid if I do, someone else will get killed because I wasn’t there to prevent it” she said as tears started to roll down her cheeks.

Almost on que, the moment Rose finished talking, Ziva began to cry in reaction to her mother’s raised voice as well as the change in tone. Taking a couple of deep breaths, Rose moved to a seated position with her legs crossed and picked up her daughter, cradling her in her arms, “I’m sorry Ziva, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Shhh, shh, it’s ok, it’s ok”

"Your still grieving Rose and a new mother. Your confidence is just knocked thats all. I don't believe you truly wish to leave Starfleet or work a desk job. Your just having a rough time of it right now and letting your thoughts into a bit of a negative swirl. Letting yourself believe your not up to snuff. You wouldn't have graduated the academy if that was the case. But if you truly believe you would prefer a desk job tell me now and I will see what I can do. Otherwise I want to get you back in the mindset where you know you can do your job. And that starts with speaking to a counsellor," Jon told her.

Rocking back and foward slightly, Rose looked up at Jon with a determined look on her face which was being accentuated by her blood shot crying eyes, “fine, I’ll go to the counsellor. You may want to see if you can upgrade their security clearance for my case. While I’m not one to talk, I can’t stop accidents”

"I think your going to need to elaborate on that Rose," Jon said. "What does that mean?"

“It means as your intelligence officer, I have access to information that very few people on this ship are authorised to know, and I’m sure none of the counselling staff are on that list, and although I’ll try my best not to let anything slip I don’t know what I might say in the middle of an emotional brakedown” Rose explained, hoping she was being clear enough.

"Ahh of course," Jon said. "Well anything said in a counselling session is confidential so I think you don't need to worry too much."

“Fair point” Rose commented with a sigh, “alright, I’ll make a booking”

"Great," Jon said. "So now we have to going to talk to someone professionally how do we get you going to talk to people socially? Cause in my opinion you need that too."

Rose smiled, “baby steps Captain. Let me worry about my mental state before trying to brake it again. Besides, I’ll have plenty of time to converse with the bridge crew during the late night shift”

“Excellent because I will organise some sort of mandatory crew socialisation event if you don’t,” Jon quipped.

He stood up. “I think my work here is done for now. Buy little one,” he reached over and shook her hand gently. “Keep an eye on your mother for me okay. Lieutenant until next time. You have got this you know.”

Rose nodded, “thank you Jon, I won’t let you down”

OFF:

Captain Jonathan Reynolds
CO, USS Andromeda

Lieutenant JG Rosaline Belikov
Intelligence chief