On the dark side

Posted on 31 Jan 2022 @ 3:59pm by Lieutenant Cassandra Higgins-Stevens & Lieutenant C'Tora Kuroka

Mission: R&R - Styx Outpost
Location: Counselors Office
2218 words - 4.4 OF Standard Post Measure

ON

C'Tora arrived a few minutes early and chimed the door and waited until he heard the invitation to enter. He walked into the room and looked about at its comfortable furnishings and picked a nice spot on the couch and sat down. "Well this is new for me, I normally send people to continue their healing, But now it seems that I require some help myself."

"Indeed," Cassie said as she finished up a report and pushed it away from herself. "Would you care for anything to drink Doctor?"
Her usual approach was employed to try and ease the tension also knowing that this would possibly be on the awkward side for C'Tora as technically he was her superior from a medical standpoint.

"A large black raktajino please", He asked quietly. He closed his eyes and took a breath. "The last time I spoke with a counselor was when it was required at the academy." He said while looking at the floor. "When those criminals took my M'tara it affected me as nothing has ever affected me before." He looked up with a pained look in his eyes. "After we helped them, they repay us by kidnapping our people!!" Anger crept into his voice and his claws extended from his hands." I wanted to hunt them down, get M'Tara back and make them pay for the pain they caused me. "He grabbed his wrist and closed his eyes and the claws retracted back into his hands once again. He looked back down at the floor again. "M'Tara is my soulmate, my only love, and my reason for living". As a few tears began to fall. "But I somehow feel that I failed to protect her, The person I love the most was taken and I couldn't do anything about it."

"And how do you believe Commander Fox felt at that time as well... Or the Captain himself having been one of those to be abducted?"
It was a simple question and probably a little more direct than she had anticipated being. She did know however that C'Tora would respond a lot more open to the direct line of questioning, even if initially her question was not apparent in its direction.

C'Tora cocked his head to the side as he glanced at Cassie. "Interesting approach to your questioning." He mused for a moment. "Very well if you want me to expand my feeling outward more, I can do that. I can only imagine that they felt the same as I did. On Cait, a family is called pride. Not only did they attack us and take my mate, but three other members of my pride as well. As far as M'Tara and I are concerned, this crew is not just who we serve with, they're our family as well and that's how we view them. I was angry as hell that they took four members of our family and tried making them into slaves and had agonizers implanted in them. I know that our people have been returned to us safely, But I still feel angry and helpless somewhat. Isn't that the whole point of me being here?"

"Is that the only reason or do you think there could be more to it? Why would the Captain approve of you coming to see me, or Commander Fox... or even M'Tara?"
She continued probing, pushing further into the depths of why he was here. She couldn't disagree with his assessment of 'Family' being a motivating factor but she needed him to realize that his emotional state on the bridge, his inability to hear the orders being given to him, and his emotional reactions in front of his subordinates was also a major contributing factor... She just hoped he was at least peripherally aware of these actors.

"M'Tara knows why I'm here." He said simply. "As for the Captain and the Executive Officer, I think they'd be pleased that I came here to get some help. As the Chief Medical Officer I have ordered plenty of people to seek counseling to continue their healing, and for me not to do the same would make me a hypocrite. I realize that some of my actions weren't exactly stellar after talking to some others, But I had just had a traumatic experience and I came to talk things out so I could get things straight in my mind."

"Being a Caitian how would you classify or define your more aggressive tendencies... Your temper and how you deal with that anger?"
She asked gently and carefully not wanting to upset or anger the man before her. She could see he was a gentle soul at heart but the biological side of his nature also had to come out at times.

C'Tora gave Cassie a strangely quizzical expression. " How do I deal with aggression? I have workout programs on the holodeck and my mate and I massage each other which we both find very relaxing. But what does that have to do with what I went through? There was no aggressive behavior by anyone, Some people might have gotten a little spooked due to my size, but I didn't lash out at anyone and no one was harmed in any way shape, or form.. "

C'Tora shook his head in disbelief. "Come on Cassie, It's me. I came in to talk about what happened so I can get it straight in my head so it won't happen again, So stop treating me with kid gloves and help me work this out. If you can't do that then I'll just wait until we get to a Starbase and talk with someone who will. I am not some monster or someone with a fragile ego that is going to snap at any moment. I think part of the problem is that you don't know much about Caitians or their culture." he said rather calmly. "I've always been straightforward on everything, so drop the psychobabble I didn't come here for a psychology lesson. So can we talk like two friends instead? That would be a lot more helpful to me."

"Yes sir!" she said in mock supplication but sensing his frustration. Approaching him in her role as a Counselor was not the right approach and he may not be ready to face how he had reacted when faced with the disappearance of his mate so she would back peddle and allow him the time to find his own realization... Or did she just need to lay it plain?

C'Tora looked up with a pained expression upon his face. "I... I have never in my life" he said with a quivering voice. "Felt so hopeless or a lack of energy. It seemed to me that my reason for living had been removed. I wanted to lash out at the ones who had hurt me, charge to the rescue, get her back. I wanted to curl up in a corner and sulk in despair, I wanted to scream and run and pound my head against the wall. I was hurt and confused and had no idea what to do."

"And in your capacity as Chief Medical Officer, someone responsible for the wellbeing of this crew, if the situation had been a little different, would you have allowed Captain Reynolds to remain in command on active duty if his reaction had been so immediate, so powerful... So visceral as yours had been. If he was not thinking straight, as you were at the time having just admitted to me, would that have compromised his professional integrity? Would the crew have still found faith and trust in his judgment?"
'OK Cassie... Just go for a hybrid delicately blunt approach. Let's see how quickly you get mauled to death?' she thought to herself with a nice dollop of sarcastic dry humor.

C'Tora shook his head and stood up. "Ok Cassie, I'm not sure what your trying to get at here. You want me to admit I have flaws like everyone else? Then Yes I do. Did I screw up? Perhaps so depending on your point of view. You keep asking about other peoples actions and how I'd respond when it has no bearing on what I came here to talk about." He stated with dismay in his voice. "I'm not here to talk about what others would do or how I'd respond to their actions. If you can help me then please do so, If not, then say so and I'll leave and put this off until I can find someone who can understand Caitian psychology." He said with a touch of sadness in his voice.

She could see him shutting down, closing off from what she was saying... A response she had expected if truth be told. Perhaps instead she needed to focus on his feelings as to how he felt... In truth, it was the same coin, just the other face of it.
"So you felt helpless, anger at her being taken... What else?"

C'Tora shook his head and sat back down wanting to set the record straight he said "Cassie I think some wires got crossed here, and there is some miscommunication and definitely some different perceptions. I asked the executive officer Commander Fox who was Acting Captain at the time, for permission to gather a squad of security and go to the transporter room, and she said, good idea Doctor. I would not have gone to the transporter room without permission. And furthermore, I said I wasn't going to do anything that was going to get me court-martialed. I left the bridge with permission Emotions were high, you had faced a terrible sort of birth, which I was present for, our people, our family had been kidnapped. Take a step back and think back to that day. I did nothing wrong, I came here to talk about my feelings as a friend to a friend. That is all I am asking. You confused me as to your line of questioning and probing. I have never ever threatened anyone at all."

Taking a breath he added. "I was telling you that all this time, but it seemed like you weren't listening.
As I said, I was hurt, confused, and feeling a hundred other things at once. I wanted to get our people back safely, I wanted to scream and cry. Yes I even wanted to lash out at those that hurt us, but thoughts aren't actions and shouldn't be misconstrued as such since it never happened, Don't you agree?"

"Thoughts are not actions" and the rest of her statement she left unsaid knowing it would only inflame the situation further. She also had to remind herself that her medical profession was dealing with emotions and understanding not only her own but others' emotional intelligence at a glance. C'Tora was a medical professional but from a completely different field. He could heal the body while she would help heal the soul if the poetic language could be excused.

"What I wanted to do is to get back our family members that were ripped away and stolen from us, but I was hurt and shocked like so many others aboard this ship. I'm not the only person who felt that way on this ship. We helped them and they, in turn, knocked out our people by using a gas attack and kidnaped several of our vital people which included two members of our command staff. We were violated after we showed them kindness. I imagine you'll be getting a number of cases with a similar theme rather soon."

C'Tora sighed. "You know things have been rather hectic for the crew as of late. We've had Xu who gave birth to a goddess and slipped into a coma that we don't know when she'll wake up from. Our people were attacked and taken, the mature form of the goddess shows up on the bridge who leaves cryptic messages and the heavy gunboat diplomacy to get our people back. Our crew is wound up pretty tight right now. What would you suggest to help blow off some steam from the crew? A ship-wide picnic? Or something else? As the CMO that is my challenge to you."

"I believe that is already being taken care of. We are en route to Deep Space Twenty One... A new outpost within the Briar Patch I'm lead to believe. Shoreleave will be granted for the entire crew. From there I will continue my observations and selective interviews with certain crewmembers as well as taking ad-hoc bookings when the need arises."
Her answer came quickly having already had discussions with the Captain and knowing where they were already heading. "I will be sitting down with my assistant in the near future and planning some social events on the ship to try and boost morale!"

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." Said C'Tora. "Well I've taken enough of your time today, I really should be getting back to Sickbay. A doctors work is never done you know." With that said he stood up and headed towards the door. "Thanks, Cassie, I feel better now. I'll see you around."

END

Lieutenant Cassandra Higgins
Ships Counselor - USS Andromeda

Doctor C'Tora
Chief Medical Officer - USS Andromeda